Thursday, December 12, 2013

Safari Mike's Kill Refurb Marry; Disney Thrill Rides

Our friends over at The Happy Place Blog and Mouse on the Mind have come up with a great (and I mean GREAT) game for us Disney bloggers. Kill Marry Refurb. I think the title pretty much explains it all, but in case you don't quite understand: there is a topic, in this case Thrill Rides, and you have to pick one that you would marry (leave alone forever and ever), one that you would kill (wipe off the face of the earth) and refurb (meaning well, refurb it). We here couldn't resist playing along this month so here ya go. And as an added bonus, both myself and Dave want to play- so you get 2 for the price of 1.  Sweet deal, right?

Kill: OK. Originally, I wanted to play but limit myself to Animal Kingdom rides, of which there are 4 thrill rides, 5 if you count the Safari, which I don't. And I didn't really want to kill any of them to be honest. So I am killing Rock and Roller Coaster. The thing is a waste of time and space. Please tell me how Aerosmith fits into the theming of early Hollywood? Or how a giant guitar blends seamlessly into the aesthetic of the area? The answer to both is they don't. The whole attraction is atrocious. I thought hard about re-theming it. Perhaps an Oswald attraction, maybe Dick Tracy. But nah. Blow it up. I never go over there anyway.

Refurb: I want to refurb the Kali River Rapids. Listen I love it, but its too damn short. The original idea behind this ride was breathtaking. It was basically going to the Kilimanjaro Safaris but on water and with Asian animals. You would pass tigers, rhinos, Indian elephants and what not before the big fire and a fall. Now, I like the ride. The queue and its theming are topnotch and it really is fun. I always come off laughing. But we need to add something. The fire needs to be bigger, The ride needs to be longer and they need to add more drops. At least, one more biggie anyway. And why not go back to seeing animals during the ride. No, not tigers since you don't want them jumping into the boats and eating the guests (though that would add an element, eh?). I'm thinking an exhibit with tapirs, or perhaps another pair of gibbons. Maybe a troop of macaques, tree born animals would be easier to see from the rafts. But it needs more thrills because for a thrill ride, while certainly fun, its just not that thrilling.

Marry: I am going back to the Animal Kingdom here. Oh Dinosaur how do I love thee, let me count the ways. This is really an indictment of the whole area not just this ride but to me its close to perfect. The ride is fun. Yes, it was a bit louder and scarier back in the day, and yes, I did like that. But they have recently amped up the effects to some degree. The queue itself is phenomenal, one of the most underrated at the Mouse. Then add in the side bits like the great Dino Institute store, and the nearby Cretaceous Trail and Restarauntosaurus, you have a winner. Besides who doesn't love Dr. Marsh? To be honest, I almost picked Maelstrom here, but this is Jambo Everyone after all. I should be marrying an Animal Kingdom ride. Besides, when we get married I'm legally changing its name to Countdown to Extinction.

by Safari Mike (@JamboEveryone)


  1. Yay! I was hoping you would play!
    Even though I killed Dinosaur, I still respect that you want to marry it. It's a good ride, I admit. I am just a wuss and never do it so I had to off it!
    I like your kill choice, I don't hate RNR but don't really care about it either.

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